1.“almost doesn’t count”-brandy
the 1998 track from brandy’s never say never album “almost doesn’t count”explores themes of self-worth via not settling in relationships. rather than choosing to be suspended in states of uncertainty with anxious lovers, thus inhibiting attachment. we are reminded that in the game of love, winners know when to quit and women win when choosing themselves. it is a mandate to refuse trying to love, fuck, cajol, nag, or give of one’s self unreciprocally in order to acquire a relationship.
shelly peiken wrote “almost doesn’t count” to be a country song. she explains, “that was 100 percent my life, there was a relationship I had — or didn’t have — in college. It was a relationship that was more in my head than in his, and I always felt like we almost got there, he almost said I love you, he almost broke up with the girlfriend he had the whole time. He almost faced his feelings but he never quite got there — maybe that was all in my head too. Maybe he never had any of those feelings, maybe it was all my imagination.” the songs tempo and soft melody, carried by an acoustic guitar, supports brandy’s acceptance as she lets go of what is not going to be gracefully. “almost doesn’t count” is a phrase that has become a common idiom in societal discourse. it undermines, quite simply, the limits of intention.
2. “distraction”-kehlani
“Do you, do you, do you, do you wanna be?” kehlani opens and asks. her question lingers sonically. a handful of piano notes play before she makes her request:
“Do me a favor, pick me up, take me out later
Don’t worry about no paper
’Cause I got mine stacked up for nights like this
My life can get crazy, I deal with shit on the daily
But baby I’m thinking maybe
We could agree to work it out like this
I need you
To give me your time
I need you
To not wanna be mine oh
Are you down to be a distraction baby?
But don’t distract me, let me ask you baby”
the repeating “do you” at the beginning of distraction leaves the listener torn between whether she is stuttering becasue of nervousness or emphasizing demand and the need to know.
regardless of interpretation, “distraction” powerfully captures the human need for occasional undivided nurturing, care, time, and attention without fully committing to a serious relationship. a theme worth mentioning is kehlani’s assertiveness. the proposition is comprised of realistic expectations and a willingness to acquire the financial costs of her need(s) being met. she is clear about what she desires and how, without shame or shrinking.
traditionally, patriarchy requires men to commit to pursuing “what they want” whether they truly have the time, money, and/or energy to do so. this dynamic can leave women pursed, yet passive and overtime disappointed once the pursuit comes to an end. as an initiator with profound clarity, kehlani’s honesty with herself and the summoned lends an affirming example of how to validate your needs as a woman without enmeshing your life, career, or heart with someone else’s permanently in order to feel good and the vulnerability required to say so. the oakland, california born singer embodies the “go-getter”, unconventional, but chill energy that can be found in women from the bay. she poses her question and leaves the answer to her suitor. do you wanna be?
3. “are you that somebody”-aaliyah
are you that somebody? is the quintessential call to action for partner’s secure enough in themselves to be connected to sexually liberated women. we met aaliyah as an innocent pretty young thing with androgynous style and infectious songs that soundtracked the nineties. when are you that somebody was released for the dr dolittle soundtrack in 1998, the timbaland produced record beat our bodies into captivation as we listened. yet loud and proud throughout every chorus and verse of the song is aaliyah’s request for a responsible and mature partner to share her essence with. she croons,
“You can’t tell nobody
I’m talkin’ ‘bout nobody
I hope you’re responsible
Boy I gotta watch my back
’Cause I’m not just anybody
Is it my go? Is it your go?
Sometimes I’m goody-goody
Right now naughty-naughty
Say yes or say no
’Cause I really need somebody
Tell me are you that somebody?”
at the beginning of the song she lures the listener in, unveiling a methodic and watchful process to her approach. as aaliyah chooses her lover she consequently shatters the myth that women asserting their sexual agency are careless and nugatory. aaliyah fidgets between the “good girl/bad girl” trope that accepts sexuality as “ok” as long as nobody knows; both of deed and desire. while harnessing energy of the vixen, she stewards her pleasure misson while demanding mutual trust, respect, consent and confidentiality.
3. solitude-lila ike
lila ike is one of Jamaica’s latest talent powerhouses. her debut album “the experience” is absolutely worth listening to. solitude, also a coping mechanism relevant to our generation, is a simple song that emphasizes the importance of being with self. lila sings of how disruptive and overwhelming outside noise can be. noise that is: the opinions/needs of others, social media, societal standards, etc. she prioritizes the need to keep her intuition and voice sharp. steadily attuned within herself in order to achieve peace of mind. acquiring balanced mental health continues to compete with items on our to do list while fighting to be number one. ike reminds us that anyone who can master the practice of intermittently being alone is in their power. because women continue to assume responsibility for the wellness of others emotionally, spiritually, and practically, the genetrational muscle memory women carry does not often give way to a practice of thorough, regular recuperation. the quest to live a life defined for ourselves with the respect, provision, and love to match feels lofty. hearing a black woman sing of the importance of solitude offers reprieve from being somebody’s something all of the time. it is validating and soothing. a necessary weapon in a tool kit to combat all types of overload.
5. “can i get a”-amil/jay-z/ja-rule
the bravado amil boasts as she begins her rhyme on “can i get a” incites feelings in me remnant of the way i feel when lauryn hill starts rapping her verse on “ready or not”. as a pre-teen I remember rapping amil’s bars, that which I understood, with conviction. her cadence is melodic as she rides the beat in a uniquely alto voice. amil’s feature on “can i get a” is almost eclipsed by jay-z’s superstardom, in spite of doing vocals on some of his most popular singles during that era. the new york city born rapper opens her verse with a question that is both common sense and comical.
“you ain’t gotta be rich but fuck that, how we gon get around on your bus pass?”
long before the city girls and megan the stallion, rappers like amil proclaimed the financial generosity of their partners a must. love is practical and relationships require money. however, when women begin to talk about money assertively in professional and personal spaces we lose our softness and are asked to “make do” with bare minimum. upheld by the wage gap and sexism, women are not supposed to want to be spoiled with lavish gifts, desire an ambitious partner, and be “taken home to mom and dad”. amil unravels this while promising sexual fulliment to her partner with the hustle to match. she holds a desire to be loved and a decision to leave, ultimately, if her man is unable to agree to the terms.
